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Are you in the right career?

One of the great things about coaching is that it can move you to places you have only ever dreamed of. This could be starting a business, changing profession, obtaining promotion or just having a job that you really love.

We all have things that we love to do and rarely do we associate earning a living with enjoyment. Our education system matches education qualifications to career and little importance is associated to core values. Coaching can help people to elicit their core values and identify career paths that will support these values. For example if one of your core values is ‘security’, working in a commission only environment will create conflict and unhappiness.

Also, if you travel a lot and spend little time with your family you could be very unhappy in your chosen career if one of your core values is ‘family’. You may even have dreamed of being a musician and ended up a lawyer for the financial security because this seemed the sensible thing to do at the time. As years pass the material things that financial security has brought you may not seem as important and you yearn to make that life changing career move and just need someone to support you on the journey. Professional coaching can significantly increase your ability to achieve the dream by the power of commitment, focus and the identification of clear goals.

“I truly believe that we should never give upon our hopes and dreams. The path may be rocky and twisted, but the world is waiting for that special contribution each of us was born to make. What it takes is courage to follow those whispers of wisdom that guide us from the inside. When I listen to that, I expect nothing more than a miracle.”

Marilyn Johnson Kondwani, extract from "Close to my heart" – Chicken Soup for the Soul newsletter

Boost your Confidence

We know that from time to time people will doubt their own abilities and this can act as a barrier to moving forward in life. Perhaps you fear interviews or driving tests or are just too shy to say what you really want. Or perhaps you are returning to work after a long period of absence.

Building confidence is about putting you first, learning how to value yourself, and staying in control when life gets stressful.

Thinking that you cannot do something is only a thought and you can chose to change a negative thought. This sounds easy and in fact it is. Think of your brain as a computer and every time you hear a negative voice inside your head press the delete button and replace it with a positive thought. For example, “I cannot perform well at interview” by changing this to “I can perform well at interviews” you will start the process of boosting your confidence and the more you tell yourself something the more likely it is to become true.

Another way to help boost your confidence is by finding yourself a positive role model, someone you admire and would like to be like. It can be a friend, relative, colleague or a celebrity. Once you have identified the person, imagine yourself in their shoes, feel what it is like to be that person, how do they deal with challenging situations?

Finally imagine yourself doing the things that your fear most really well. Think about how fantastic you feel when everyone is complementing you saying how well you have done.

If you continue to carry out these tasks every time you feel insecure of have a negative thought about yourself you will boost your confidence.

Do you speak and no one listens?

When things are going well in the workplace we rarely consider the language we use to communicate. However, there are times when we need to get a message across or find clarity in a situation and there will be a barrier to understanding. This is a common problem within organisations and one that can be easily solved if we take the time to listen. This may sound a simple solution nevertheless very few of us listen effectively and sometimes this can lead to conflict.

Each one of us uses a representational system to communicate with the most common systems being Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic (vision, hearing and touch). What you will find is that if you need to be in rapport with someone it really helps if you can speak their language. For example if someone is visual they will use references that will be associated with vision like, “I see what you mean”, “you are being very short sighted” and they will paint a picture when they describe situations giving you really specific details. In order to communicate effectively with a visual person there will be times when you will have to mirror this language for example during coaching sessions, annual appraisals and when you want to persuade someone to understand your point of view.

If you are communicating with an auditory person you will find references to hearing in their language. For example “listen to me”, “clear as a bell”, “I dropped a clanger” etc. Now, if your own representational system is visual and you use visual references when speaking to an auditory person you will find that you may not always be in rapport with this person. However if you can change your own references to match theirs you will get responses like “I hear what you are saying” or “that sounds right” to indicate understanding.

The final example is the kinaesthetic person who will refer to feelings when communicating and will use words “like keep in touch”, “I feel terrible”, “this feels right” etc. As with the other two examples you will find it easier to communicate with this person if you can use their language for example “you will feel fantastic when you finish this project or “I feel very proud of your efforts this year”.

In summary communication works best when listening takes place. Start listening today and pick up as many referential systems as you can. Then see the results when you match the style of communication.

If you are interested in learning more about referential systems, read Words That Change Minds: Mastering the Language of Influence by Shelle Rose Charvet.

Executives returning to work after maternity leave

One of the biggest challenges female executives and senior managers will face is returning to work after a break to learn the new role of being a parent. You are just about there and have learnt the art of multi tasking at a level you had never thought was possible when a letter drops through the letter box asking when you are coming back to work. This may be something that horrifies you or delights you and one thing is sure you will have challenges ahead.

Some of these challenges will be expected, for example arranging good child care or dealing with the emotional side of leaving baby while you go to work. Others may not be expected for example will your boss understand that you can no longer work long hours, will it be presumed that you are no longer serious about your career because you are a mum. How are you going to make sure that you leave the office on time to pick up baby without a briefcase full of work still to be done? Think of yourself as an elastic band being pulled wider and wider. If you allow that elastic band to snap it will be useless, you may be able to put it back together again with a knot but it will never be the same again.

So here are some tips that may help to make sure you do not over stretch yourself:

Once you have to consider going back to work make sure you are completely ready.
Give some serious thought to how you are going to balance career and family. What do you want to achieve – what will your new life look like and feel like?
Who can help you balance career and family and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it?
Have a set of goals that will give you the life style you are looking for.
Sit down with your line manager and be clear on what he/she will expect from you going forward and explain what you can deliver. Don’t be afraid to document this conversation in case you need to refer back to it in the future.
If things start to get on top of you reprioritise to make sure the ‘elastic band’ does not snap.
Be sure to have someone who will listen to you and support you at times when you feel you are being stretched too far.
Remember that Superwoman is a fictional character and does not exist.

How to manage attrition levels

One of the biggest costs for most employers in today’s market place is recruitment of quality staff. In order to reduce this cost every organisation should have in place ‘staff retention action plans’. To achieve this detailed trend analysis will be required specifically looking at:

The time line – at what point in a career do people want to move on
What is the leavers profile – age range – position – lifestyle - ambitions
Exit interviews – detailed questioning of the employees reasons for leaving (not by a line manager)
Is there a particular time of year when attrition levels are high
What is the skills base of the leaver and how did this match their role
Identify a profile of employees who stay for more than two years

From this analysis organisations can:

Introduce career planning and coaching before a valued employee thinks of moving on
Review values and culture of organisation to improve environment
Crank up recruitment plans when required in preparation for any seasonal factors
Review recruitment process to ensure that the right skills base is being recruited and match to profiles of employees who add value to the organisation.

Finding the right person is less than easy and many organisations forget that the process of recruitment involves selling the organisation to the prospective employee.

What benefits will the employee get from working for the organisation? Surprisingly, money is actually way down the priority list for many people once they can cover what they need to live. Martin Seligman author of Authentic Happiness writes “Law is now the most highly paid profession in America, having surpassed medicine during the 1990s. Yet the major New York law firms now spend more on retention than on recruitment, as their young associates – and even partners – are leaving in droves for work that makes them happier.”

Seligman goes on to explain that people are most happy when they have a calling or vocation - something to do that provides gratification for its own sake. This gratification can come from any type of task if it is viewed as being valued by an individual or an organisation. For example, answering call after call in a busy call centre may seem repetitive and valueless to an employee. If the task can be reframed to focus on the assistance and quality service which is viewed as valuable by the customer and organisation, the sense of gratification will become important to the employee and thus happiness will ensue.

Interview Techniques

How to stay ahead of the competition

Always, always, always research the company and find at least two interesting facts that you can use in conversation.
Practice self talk for at least seven days before an interview by repeating to yourself “I will be fantastic during my interview and X (company name) will want to hire me”.
If you are a woman going back to work after a career break don’t forget that the skills you use for the family are transferable. For example, managing a budget - paying the bills, events organising - organising holidays etc and negotiator - ensuring there is harmony in the home.
Always prepare to ask questions that are important to you. For example will you have to travel, will overtime be expected, and is there a childcare policy.
If you want to progress your career ask how this will be possible.
At the interview, breath deeply, look at the interviewers and take time to answer if you need it.

Staying one step ahead of your line manager

The word "manager" is defined in the Oxford dictionary as “person in charge of a business” and in today’s world this can mean many things. Most managers not only carry out the role, they also experience the role via their line manager.

So how can you make this experience as pleasant as possible and maximise what you get from the relationship with your manager?

As with every relationship there will be pressure points and one of the best ways to avoid pressure points is to understand them.

For example, are you frustrated when you present a four page report to your line manager and it is dismissed without being read? Your first assumption may be that your idea or project was not good enough, or that your manager does not value your work. The reality could be that your line manager does not like to read lengthy reports, struggles with pages of data, and would much prefer a one page diagram of the concept and a quick chat to answer any questions.

Have you ever pulled out all the stops to deliver a task only to be told that this was not what was required?

Or have you been so angry at your boss for something that it has consumed every waking moment of your life over the last three days and your work has suffered as a consequence?

The solution lies in one word ‘communication’. Once you master effective communication relationships are always more productive.

Here are some top tips:

Sit down with your manager to discuss your goals and establish what your line manager’s goals are. This will allow you to understand what is important to your manager and anticipate peaks and troughs in your workload.
Try to figure out what type of communication your line manager prefers. For example some managers have high energy levels, plan everything to the second and when they say you have ten minutes to brief them on something this is exactly what they mean. There are others who are more laid back and will want to chat for an hour when ten minutes will do. Some prefer detail and others like broad concepts and charts.
If you are unhappy with something don’t stew – speak to your line manager and explain your situation. Even if nothing happens at least you will have got it off your chest.
Always check your understanding of what is required. Misinterpreting language is one of the biggest causes of conflict. For example how many different meanings has “Good Morning”. Is it hello or goodbye?
Clarify deadlines and if you cannot deliver communicate why and re negotiate expectations.
If you are asked to deliver something that takes you out of your comfort zone ask your line manager to mentor you on the task. Everyone likes to be flattered and if they cannot mentor you they will find someone who will.
Don’t forget that management is a two way process that can go up as well as down. By taking some time to establish good communication you will always exceed expectations and make your line manager look good!

Stress and how to live without it

Never over-commit – much better to under-commit to ensure you always deliver
Get in tune with your body and identify how stress manifests itself – when you feel the first signs do something that will relax you.
The top three stress busters are music, laughter and exercise
Remember you need time for yourself and plan to do at least one relaxing activity per week.
If you think you cannot find time for fun and relaxation, make a list of all the tasks you have to do and delete everything that is non essential – work smarter not harder

The old man, the boy, and the donkey

An old man, a boy, and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked beside him. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and the boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people who remarked, “What a shame! He makes that little boy walk.” They then decided they would both walk. Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride. So they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and the man decided they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal, and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass goodbye.

Michael Port, Book Yourself Solid

Where do you go when life gets you down?

Last week I heard a story about a young lad who came home from school in floods of tears. His mum asked him what was wrong and he said he had bad memories. His teacher had been talking about health and specifically how important it was to have a healthy heart. The boy was 10 years old with a congenital heart disorder which had meant many spells in hospital and major surgery. He is now very well and requires no further surgery but the teacher had evoked memories of a time when he was scared and vulnerable and this had made him cry. His sensible mother explained to him that he could very quickly get rid of sad thoughts by replacing them with happy thoughts. Her son was a bit sceptical and said he would give it a go, after a few seconds he said it had worked and he felt happy again. His mum asked him what he had thought of and he said he had gone to his “Happy Place” and played with his dogs.

For all of us there will be times, often when we least expect it when something or someone will evoke a memory that is upsetting. By concentrating on a happy memory it is possible to reverse the unhappy feelings, so the next time you are feeling down – go to your “Happy Place”.